Its one of those things that can make you as frustrated and angry as can make you ecstatic and give you the 'on-the-top-of-the-world feeling. Being a mother (i believe 'good mother' is an oxymoron) is nothing short of a mother-in-law -daughter-in-law comedy inerspersed between mushy movie moments (where love fills the air in the enchanted land of happy people) and always ends in a smile as I tuck Shiv into bed.
I love my son to death and hold him in my heart. He is my first-born and the fuel of my life.
He drives me mad with his energy and settles it all with a fake cry of 'mammma', his hands stretched forward.What can i do other than pick him up and feel sorry for making him cry. As he rests his tiny head on my shoulder and stokes my arm, I know my mommy heart is beating the hell out of my mortal brain.
He comes charging at me from school, strokes my face and stares into my eyes and smiles, says louuu you mamma, recites rhymes while eating half the words, hugs me while resting his head on my chest enveloping me in a giant hug and smiles as soon as he wakes up each morning happy to see me - how can i make sure this little person cannot manipulate me. How do i try to remind myself that just a few minutes back i was fuming mad at his insistence on skipping dinner and the accompanying throw of the spoon landing food all over the table and my jacket.. The answer is 'ha ha nice try'! :)
It amazes me the power than these tiny beings have in our life. How a woman transforms into some thing she never thought she ever would be - patient, unconditional in her love and the ultimate defender of her child. I, for one had the most voracious temper and people wouldn't dare mention patience to me. I will never know where all the stamina and will-power stems from. I will never know how a child can make your parents and husband of many years take second place in life; why i would do it all over again if i had to; How holding him in my arms for the first time made irrelevant 16 hours of labor pains; and at what point i placed my life secondary to that of my son.
All i know is that he made possible my dream of being a mom and nothing I do or say will ever be enough for that honor. Thank You Shiv for choosing me to be your mother! I louuuu you too! :)
3 comments:
Grt post...gave me goosebumps :) I'm sure a lot of mothers out thr, agree with your feelings...its really amazing what kids can do to your life...in a good way I mean :) Here is wishing you more happiness and patience as another course is close to release ;) ;) xox
I love this blog....Jayshree...Seriously in some way I can relate myself to it. A child when they test our patience by not eating and not cooperating when we are in a hurry...we get irritated and but still they come to us and rest their heads on our shoulders is when we feel being so important to them.. ''kuzanthaiyum dheyvamum guNaththaal onRu
kuRRangkaLai maRanthu vidum manaththaal onRu''
Thanks :)
Thnx for sharing your thoughts..motherhood is one complicated journey :)
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