Moments we live by and for....

Ever have an insanely emotional moment - the ones we assume happen only in mushy movies?; Like watching your baby sound asleep, when you shout at your dog and he still curls up on your lap or when your husband is late for work and runs across the hall for a quick peck on your pregnant  tummy?

In the midst of dodging traffic on the way to work, living up to deadlines and wondering what to make for dinner, we make important decisions. Some of these are simple choices that have the potential to make our lives miserable or fulfilling, depending on how we see it.

I have a 2 yr old son and a baby on the way. I work a full time job which means my son has to go to day care and spends a mere 3 hours at home with me. Do I quit so I can spend more time with him and take better care of him or do I work so I can build a secure future for him? Do I go to mom's so I have less to do at this time or do I stay back as long as possible so my husband does not have to be alone? I dont know!

When my mind is battling all this in the background, my son tugs at my feet and says mamma 'carrayuu' (carry me) and hugs me tight when i do. He even obliges a kiss when I ask for it. Its moments like these that we live by. Every time I sit down with Shiv, Rocky sits on my feet, his back resting on my leg so I caress his head. At this point, nothing matters. I dont care how tired I am or how irritating it is to divide your attention evenly between your dog and your son without hurting either.

There are a million such moments everyday! We are just too tired or stressed out to see them, cliched but true. It pays nothing to feel sorry for yourself or to live in denial. Take a walk, love your family and make evry small kiss, hug and smile count - these are blessings taht only lucky people come by to appreciate.

Am gonna go kiss my sleeping son now, maybe hubby will follow! :D

Stuck on you...

Ever had someone stick to your mind? The one person you cannot forget and always forgive? If I guess right, this person would also be the one that hurt you bad. Someone come to mind? :)

Science and scriptures (any non-science - so many these days) fascinate and answer questions, some of which are beyond the conjuring capacity of  our minds. But there are some things that  happen because they do and there is no psychological or scientific logic to it. Why a mother will kill for her child  without a moment's hesitation while some animals eat their young; how a girl leaves her house of many long years in love with a man she met a year or two ago and calls it her own, how a child automatically lips 'mamma' when he needs something and how we feel incapacitated by our feelings for some people no matter how horrid they really are. 

What about Love? Is it just a whole lot of hormones dong their job? A lover's mind is the ultimate paradox!

No matter what you do or say

I have always been this way

Not your unkempt life 

Nor your empty promises

Have ever had my mind in sway

We just cant seem to get over some people. Our lives go on as usual, husband kid job and the works. It does not imply that we spend hours thinking about them or device plans to stalk them or get them back.But when they call, email or text us, that adrenaline shot is inevitable. We hate them and love them at the same time and will still agree to go out and meet them. Whatever happened to logic, self-esteem and ego, I wish I knew.Some may argue a case of sour grapes but please, I have had better and I aint calling it sour either.

I guess we just let laying dogs be and throw them a bite from time to time! :)

My Daddy & Me

My dad sent me an email today with 2 documents with stories in it. The subject read : 'You can open these using Word'. It made me smile and inspired this post. It also reminded me of how one of my colleagues once told me his little girl was visiting him the coming week. I smiled the very same smile then when he added that his grand-daughter would be bringing her boy-friend along to meet him. Sometimes we foget how cute our fathers really are!! :)

Much is spoken about the mother's love, tenderness and care for her children. I bow to that, being blessed with a mom who is a dream come true. However, it is also true that fathers are as big heroes as moms - its just that its not obvious to the senses.

  My dad with my son

My dad and I were like 2 positive poles - mom said it looked like we had swords in our hands every time we spoke to each other or argued. My opinion was that he did not love me which is why we fought and he never let me do what i wanted. I couldn't stay out late, wear short clothes or speak on the phone after 9pm. My curfew always ended at least 2 hours before that of my friends and it irked me so much! I was SO right and he was SO wrong - is what I though back then.

A few years later, while living alone, I met with an accident in the middle of the night. I woke up in a hospital, adding to my misery was the fact that I wearing a short skirt and people thought I was a 'bad' girl (still a cliche in some parts of India to wear short clothes). I was petrified, my dad was going to kill me!!

My dad n mom flew out on the first flight and took me back home. Nobody asked me why or discussed the 'whats' and the 'ifs' of the situation. They took care of me till I recovered fully. My dad said - I don't want to know how this happened, just promise me you wont do it again! It still brings tears to my eyes and sends jitters down my spine when I think back on this situation in my life. he was SO hurt, not angry, not judgmental not thinking I told you so', just very HURT.

I realize today that I never saw my father's soft side or understood his love for me. I dint see that behind my smiling mom, behind her visits to me that extended to months and the fact that I never had to wish I had something because I already did, was my dad. I did not see that he was not ordering me around but making sure I did not hurt myself when I was grown up, on my own. I realize that had he not grounded me, limited what I could do and have and made sure i was always in my best manners no matter where I was, that I would not be a stable, normal, happy person today. i would not have had the life I have or the relationships I treasure so much.

Times have changed and we get along perfectly well now. We are like good friends. He even sends me stories with instructions on how to open them ;)

My Angel, my Son, my Doggie, my Rocky baby....

Having a pet is one of those things that you just cannot figure out unless you the lucky parent of one. For most, dogs are either scary or they cant imagine for the life of them why someone would have one. I was once one of those...I was petrified of dogs..till i brought home Rocky baby.

It took me almost a year of convincing my husband that I wanted a dog. When the pet shop guy put 6 puppies in the boot of our car for us to look at, one lil fella squeezed in through the back set and conducted 'business' there and stared oops with his Blue eyes. I knew I wanted him!

Being Stallone fans, we named him Rocky (Rambo is my human Son's pet name) and I could hold him in my forearm, he was all of 35 days.

 

I can confidently say now that it was like I just had a baby. Rubber sheets, sleepless nights during which we took turns singing to him, his snuggling up in the bed, constant 'bowowow'. Mainly, he would only sleep when we all had. When left alone for a couple of hours, we would return home wondering what he would have done this time. From pooping in any place to picking up packets from the kitchen to biting my brand new shoes - our ritual consisted of sanitizing/cleaning the house every time we got back home while one person held him and played with him! 

Rocky is 4 years old now and I still cry when he falls sick, feel jitters up my spine every time i hear of a pet passing away, pat him after he has dozed off to sleep and call him my baby doll. I remember his first walk, his first pair of shoes ( that he spent so much time trying t get rd of), his first doggie party, his first prize and how he ran to me every time he called out 'baby'. He loves me for what I am and I am not, rushes to my side when i am home and does not judge me.

Shiv and rocky are like two peas in a pod. I am SO proud of Rocky for how he treats Shiv with soo soo soo much kindness and consideration. I wish Shiv does the same for Rocky soon :)

If there is an afterlife, i pray to God that Rocky is my human son - not because he is any less dear to me than Shiv but because I want to be able to give him anything he wants to eat, have him snuggle up against me every night, call me mamma, to be able to take him out and buy him toys and not have people tell me in parks that dogs are not welcome.

I don't know when or how I got myself a son. My angel, my pet, my Rocky baby - Thank You God for being kind to me!!

Being in a Love-Hate relationship called MOM..

Its one of those things that can make you as frustrated and angry as can make you ecstatic and give you the 'on-the-top-of-the-world feeling. Being a mother (i believe 'good mother' is an oxymoron) is nothing short of a mother-in-law -daughter-in-law comedy inerspersed between mushy movie moments (where love fills the air in the enchanted land of happy people) and always ends in a smile as I tuck Shiv into bed.

I love my son to death and hold him in my heart. He is my first-born and the fuel of my life.

He drives me mad with his energy and settles it all with a fake cry of 'mammma', his hands stretched forward.What can i do other than pick him up and feel sorry for making him cry. As he rests his tiny head on my shoulder and stokes my arm, I know my mommy heart is beating the hell out of my mortal brain.

He comes charging at me from school, strokes my face and stares into my eyes and smiles, says louuu you mamma, recites rhymes while eating half the words, hugs me while resting his head on my chest enveloping me in a giant hug and smiles as soon as he wakes up each morning happy to see me - how can i make sure this little person cannot manipulate me. How do i try to remind myself that just a few minutes back i was fuming mad at his insistence on skipping dinner and the accompanying throw of the spoon landing food all over the table and my jacket.. The answer is 'ha ha nice try'! :)

It amazes me the power than these tiny beings have in our life. How a woman transforms into some thing she never thought she ever would be - patient, unconditional in her love and the ultimate defender of her child. I, for one had the most voracious temper and people wouldn't dare mention patience to me. I will never know where all the stamina and will-power stems from. I will never know how a child can make your parents and husband of many years take second place in life; why i would do it all over again if i had to; How holding him in my arms for the first time made irrelevant 16 hours of labor pains; and at what point i placed my life secondary to that of my son. 

All i know is that he made possible my dream of being a mom and nothing I do or say will ever be enough for that honor. Thank You Shiv for choosing me to be your mother! I louuuu you too! :)