The road trip that's life

This road trip that's life

Its hours of drive

Of countless days

And sleepless nights

I strive to keep moving

Tell myself it's normal

I trip I walk I run

I try to keep up..

But it gets harder

breeze turns to storm

The road below me

seems so worn out..

I am no pessimist

I remind my soul

But I just cannot

Run this race alone..

I call out to the Gods 

In the heavens high above

Lower your gaze sometimes

Please give me cover...

Fleeting thoughts

It's a wonder how we sometimes yearn for the most basic pleasures of life. Things that are usually taken for granted,  situations that others seem to find nothing unusual or meritorious about! Its amazing  how family takes a backseat in the  process It's a wonder how we sometimes yearn for the most basic pleasures of life making a living, ironically for the family!!

Some  situations that are runnin into becoming part of the  quickly deteriorating  race are Spending quality time with the kids/spouse, setting  routines for children, Watching tv together without ppl delving into their personal smartphones/iPads/laptop fun conversations over a cup of coffee, Spending holidays together and the excitement of festival shoppin.

The one thing I miss most from my childhood memories is having dinner with the entire family. I also miss the excitement of traveling by train and looking starry eyed at the prospect of spending summer holidays with the grandparents.

I always thought work was a part of life but some people make life a part of  their work (whose significance manifolds with each passing quarter). When I saw my dad come home in the evenings, I assumed my husband would too. When I saw my mom playing with me and cooking and helping me with my studies, I grew up to believe I would have the same opportunities in life. When I went out to play everyday I assumed my kids would too. when we shopped with super excitement for Diwali I assumed my new family would too!! Turns out,this and many other such thoughts are now redundant and I am just an idiot 

SO clueless

There are days when I am not sure how I feel. Evr had those days when your mind is in a rush and your feelings are all over the place!! Maybe something happened that triggered this madness you may ask and I wish I could say yes. Its like trying to solve a mystery,  only you have no clues.

I read this story about Raavan and how he was the biggest follower of lord Shiva. It brings to mind the differences in perception.  An evil man that fought the lord and the most selfless worshipper there was. Every time I hear someone say hey what problem could he have he is rich has kids and a huge house, I wonder what inside battle that person might be fighting.  What we infer is sometime miles apart from the truth.

I miss my parents and cant believe what a random post this is but its just my flow of thoughts n not a thought out article.

Every one is fighting a battle whether or not the outsider catches it. In every person is a cry out very very different from what he is supposed to be according to be everyone else. its just too hard to understand this that its usually overlooked.

Of Time and Change..

There are so many things that we often see and hear about - sometimes from people around us and some we watch in movies. Some are a given - mothers love, unconditional wife and lovers that always unite. Mostly we just accept that as the order of things - for everyone.

I always wondered if the things that make people emotional and more importantly unconditional in their love or hate will affect me in the same way. Motherhood is one such thing. I watched in awe as expectant mothers strutted in and out of hospitals, diners and movies - the bump looked so beautiful and they were always given special treatment. I couldn't wait to have my own and also dreamed of wearing fashionable maternity wear that would make my bump look cute. How wonderful it must be know that you are going to be a mom - it must be so much fun!

When i finally got pregnant, all my fantasies about pregnancy and maternity wear were put to rest. Its a great honor and privilege being able to grow a baby in your womb- something that is above anything I will ever experience . However, I discovered that while it looks enchanting, its not easy.  All the backaches, mood swings and re-fluxes put all your fancy pregnancy theories to rest. However, in the midst of a bad headache, I would feel a kick and smile; watching a baby would make me long for mine; I would feel happy  that my baby is moving and kicking every time i had an acid re-flux. 

Three years back, this night was the most momentous life of my life. It was the day i would find out what the fuss was about labor and motherhood. I was going to feel the might of what I had only read about and watched in movies up until then. After 14 hours of labor, screaming, crying and waiting, the time finally came.

I remember like it was yesterday, the doctor's voice saying ' congrats Jayshree, you have a beautiful baby boy' as she handed my baby to me.The first part of him that i saw were his feet - until then I had only been kicked by them. I was about to hold the one person in my hands whose size would have no connection whatsoever with his control over me , the only person that could elevate me to a level that is Mother - Thank You Shiv for choosing me - Happy Birthday and God Bless! I love that you are my baby! :)

When the heart takes over

There are times when we are stuck - between things that are apparent to the logical mind and the ones that we want to believe in. There are certain feelings that drive us into senselessness and sometimes we refuse to get that little hint that our mind tries to give us.

In reality the heart plays no role in our emotions. It does not have the power to do so. Its a play of hormones zig-zagging between signals that go to and forth the brain that controls our thoughts. So, technically we are not presented with a choice. Who cares, right?

How many times have you said 'I have a feeling about this', 'something is not right' and how many times have you paid heed to it? Does it really work- is intuition a magnification of the mistake we could have avoided?  I guess you know something isn't going to work out while you walk through that door. I also know that it's not always in your power to be rational and practical every step of the way.

I have come to realize that it's ok to do something stupid and completely insane sometimes. Some people and situations alter our frames of minds and we just cannot do anything about it. Its ok, lose it and dont feel bad about it. The very person lecturing you otherwise would have done it already!